And counting...

So....

The second day in a row. Let's not hold our breath for a streak shall we?

I worked today and during one of my surveys I caught the eye of a very good looking man. We continued to make eye contact with one another during the survey and I found my heart fluttering. What is my problem? I instantly felt guilty. I have a perfectly good husband at home waiting for me.... Is it still okay to get the butterfly feelings from someone else? Even if it's only during a three minute survey?

Not too long after the Light Parade came by and there was a moment where Prince Charming and Cinderella were together dancing. I know that they have to make themselves look happy... and I know that they are two grown adults playing the parts... but for some reason, in that moment, I believed them. Suddenly, I was a 6 year old girl sighing at Mr. Charming and wishing to be Cinderella....

Again, what is my problem....?

Maybe it's just because we've been fighting. Or.. not really fighting... but apathetic to each other. Most of the time, I feel like he's happier with his friends than he is with me. And if it's the truth, I don't know how horrible that is... but it hurts me inside fiercely. But we do this. We're newlyweds, after all. It's like you spend 80% of your time together in bed making love, and the other 20% ready to tear each others heads off. I guess 20% of bad isn't so bad in the long run, really...

I'm eating Oreo's. They're delicious.... but they're not helping with weight loss. Oh well. Better to enjoy now, than feel guilty and not enjoy at all.... right?

Yea... remind me of that in 20 pounds.

Tired of pretending

So...

Here's blog attempt #4908769867.

One day, I'll probably get better at this.

Writing used to be one of my passions. One of my outlets in life. Now, it's as if all the creativity has been sucked out of me. Sometimes, I can even fashion myself as a painter, but after the work is done, I look back at it and want to chuck it. Maybe I'm just my own worst enemy.

I'm starting this blog for a few reasons:
1. I'm trying to lose weight. And I need to keep myself accountable. I'll be journaling my (hopeful) successes on here.
2. I need to get myself back into writing. Even if I don't feel creative, I so miss it.
3. I need a venting place. Maybe that will help me be a happier person.

I don't know how many people I'm going to tell this blog about at first. Probably Wayne. Mostly because he's the only one online enough who'll actually read it. And I need at least one reader... because then other people won't hold me accountable to hold myself accountable to actually keep this up.

You know, every year, secretly my new year's resolution is to keep a journal. I've had one journal since 2003. And about 15 empty journals.

Sometimes I feel like if I get a new journal that's "pretty" it'll entice me to write -- really, in the end, I'm afraid I'll mess it up with all my words.

I can't really "mess up" a blog, right?

Anyway... I don't really know what to write about tonight (and thus the blockage begins).

I promise -- I'll get better at this.
One day.